I'm Fine Alone Thanks
by It's Just Apple Pie
Summary: This is every story I come up with for Season 6 Episode 9. One-shots that all connect to the same night, or nights. If BB ever get together knockonwood then I will make a conclusion to this. If not, these stories will remain loosely related and in limbo.
1. Angela's Questions

"Sweetie?" Angela asked me, walking into my office without knocking. I whipped my hand to my face, but the tears kept coming, "You okay?" Angela asked, concerned, because I rarely cried. Crying meant loosing my grasp on my compartmentalizing, and I was good at that. In fact, I wouldn't even call this crying, I was tearing up. That's not crying. I was mourning the end of something I had in my life for 6 six years. _Mourning_.

No one's literally dead.

"I'm fine, Angela." I say flatly, and my voice is firm, it doesn't crack, or waver, it's strong.

"I'm going to pretend I believe you, Bren." Angela rolled her eyes at me, and I was about to smile but then she said; "Sweetie, what happened to Booth?" Angela asked, even more concerned.

"What are you talking about, Angela?" I asked, intrigued when she said his name, but dreading what she had figured out about Booth and I.

"I'm talking about how he looks like he could use a hug. Like he would buy a hug, just so that he could feel good for a minute." Angela told me, with a sad, knowing smile.

She noticed how what she said stopped me, if only for a moment. "I would know if he wasn't okay, Angela." I told her, trying to reassure her.

I wasn't lying to her, I would know if he was anything short from happy, I would _know_, and I did know. I knew he was sad, heartbroken, trying to move on- and all because of me. But heartbreak passes, and he deserves more then me, and my lies.

He deserves more then ignorance.


	2. How Many Chances Did He Give Me?

I wondered out there, and stepped in front of that car, _on purpose_.

The pain won't go away, and being the suborn and independent woman I am, I won't allow my self to be destroyed. I don't want him to see how much it hurts, how much I _need_ him. So, I will be preserved this way- perfectly almost shattered, but not quite.

Just like Lauren- except on my very own terms, not a murderous person's.

The truth is overrated- love is overrated.

I sit on the street unmoving. The driver is drunk, I can tell because he's swerving, but he's underage, and won't go to jail.

So I crouch down. Waiting for it to be over. Waiting for this torture to end.

At the last moment when it's _finally_ about to be over, I hear the car honk and I hear the wheels shift. But it's too late.

Perhaps it is humorous, because it is fitting. It is too late, though. Just like it is for us.

I smile, seeing the car lights. "Goodbye," I whisper to no one in particular, perhaps my self.

Suddenly there are strong arms pulling me out of the way, dragging me away, just in time.

Time.

Funny how there's too much and too little of it at the same time.

"Bones." His voice is firm, "What are you doing?"

I lie, because honesty is overrated. The truth hurts, and I can't take _hurt_ anymore.

I don't want to find it out, anymore. I just want this to be over.

I shrug in his arms, barely able to look at him, "I didn't see the car, Booth. I'm fine. Just take me home."

He aids me to his SUV, and half of the ride is silent. He's _speeding_.

Wow, I must smell really bad, or maybe he has a date.

I sniff my hair, "I can walk. You have a date."

He slows slightly, "I'm driving you home." He is determined to get me home. I don't want to go home.

"I'm capable of walking home, Booth." I growl.

"No, Bones, you obviously are not capable."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you didn't see that car coming! You were just _sitting_ in the middle of the street.

I didn't have the strength, the decency to lie, because his voice was shaky, and the car sped up again, and faster then before.

Lying for another's sake, that's overrated- what about the person that has to compromise their beliefs, for another? Does anyone care about them?

"No, Booth, I saw the car."

My words cause his shoulders to tense, and he accidently runs the red light, "_What_?" He sounds disturbed, "Bones, why"-

I cut him off, "I don't want to have any regrets, I made a mistake, and I- I missed my chance."

"So you decide to jump in front of a car?"

"Correct."

"There are better ways of… I got through this."

"She didn't give him a chance, and she died alone."

"I'm sorry, but I love Hannah."

"Yes, you do."

"Is there someone you want to call? To be with you?"

"No. I'm fine. Alone. Thanks."


	3. What We Never Say

I want to scream 'I love you', but his eyes are perfectly clear. His is soul reflecting into my mine, through our eyes.

I want to tell him that _he_ is the only person that I can comfort me, right now.

And I'm not questioning our relationship, anymore, but it's not a relief.

It's just simply- I don't have a relationship with him, anymore.

And maybe it's my fault, but maybe it's his.

That doesn't matter.

I'm losing my faith in science, because perhaps _science_ is blinding the same way God, and love is.

I close my eyes, and realize that objectivity can be proven _impossible_.

And that, that realization means that all of my reasons, all my _rationalizations_ and _logic_, are wrong.

Which means that I'm just as misled as Booth, and perhaps he _isn't_ misled.

Perhaps the voice he hears is the same voice I hear. Just a different perspective, a different human interpretation- there is no right or wrong answer.

Perspective- objectivity.

That's what I am searching for.

Can I find it?

Insanity. I'm insane. I'm not rational, logical, no human can be. No human who _feels_ can. I _could_. Then, Booth, he made me _want_ to believe, he saw through me, past what I can see my self.

I open my eyes, look at him and answer his question, "No, I'm fine. Alone. Thanks."

The tears sting my eyes, but I'm not embarrassed. This is Booth, after all. We reassure each other that humans adjust. My science names it survival of the fittest. Booth likes to believe people can change, but in reality, even he knows they just_ don't_. Love isn't enough.

I'm back to the beginning. Back to the start.

I realize that I'm lonely- not simply alone.

Before I had my bones, my job, and my science.

I doubt everything now.

I don't have Booth to keep at least one of feet firmly on the floor.

I don't have anyone.

I have exactly what I expected.

I'm right, then, aren't I? Love isn't enough. Love isn't eternal.

But now can I believe in? Science isn't either. Objectivity doesn't exsist. I'm human now, and I feel everything.


	4. What They Were Supposed To Say

Another dream, another nightmare. This what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to fight, damn it. And she, she was supposed to admit her undying love. The truth was that they never said 'I love you'. That was the proof, and they never told one another. They would have a dream every night of how their confessions were supposed to unravel. By definition they were insane. A new dream every night, a new argument, but always the same outcome when they woke up.

Time had run out.

Booth rolled around in the bed he shared with Hannah. Brennan fell asleep on her couch, and a single tear was on her cheek.

They were taken back to the night, that they couldn't change.

(This is one outcome that they could have settled for, one dream of many)

"Why are you taking this so personally?" Booth asked, afraid of her answer.

"This woman is the same as me. She devoted her life to her work and she was extremely brilliant and successful, but she was lonely. She died, was _murdered_, alone, before she could really even start her life. I- I don't want to die alone, before I get to live, again. The closest I've ever felt to… love, is those five years, with you. But it's pointless to say now, because I missed my moment, I lost my chance. I broke your heart, and now I'm breaking mine. I'm lost without you, Booth. I fought you, because I never truly accepted that you wouldn't wait forever. It was foolish. For someone of such a high I.Q, I'm stupid. This whole situation is _stupid_."

"B-Bones…" Booth hesitated, unsure of what to do.

She was looking down, to her lap, the tears dripping.

She was turning inside out, the cool exterior melting until her heart was shining through her eyes, through her tears, her pained expression.

Finally grabbed her hand.

"I don't know what to say." He confessed, squeezing her hand.

She turned to him, looked at him, torn, and fell into his chest, his arms wrapped around her, tightly.

"You already said everything you needed to." She looked up at him, wiping away her tears, in vain, because they kept coming.

Suddenly Booth was unnerved, "So- w-hat now? Huh? We just forget that you spilled your heart out to me? Because you were seven months late?" Booth grabbed her shoulders violently, fighting the urge to shake her vulnerable body. "I don't want to _let_ you fall."

"I mercilessly let you."

"Well I'm not you, Bones, and despite what you think, I didn't tell you everything."

"What else could you have done? I would have dismissed you, no matter what you said. I probably still would, if you said anything now, for your greater good."

"I don't _care_ what you think- I didn't- I never told you that I would wait- that I didn't want to move on- that I didn't want you to change. That I fell in the most passionate love I've ever felt, for you, because of who you were, not because of who you can become."

"But don't you see, Booth? You're talking in past tense! You love Hannah now! She's your one and only future."

"No. No. No." He shook his head, trying to shake what he knew to be true, out of his head. "I don't want to let you go, Bones, I love you, I'm still in love with. We're broken, but I want to fix this. Let's get back to the way it should be."

Her crying started up again. "We can't. I shouldn't have said anything. I need to die alone- It's my expectation, my future. It's how I'm going to protect you, from the inevitabilities of love. Of _my_ love."

"But I'm already broken! It doesn't _matter_ anymore!"

"But I can't be with you, Booth, I love you too much! Let me _protect _you. I don't want to give you any illusions."

"So this is it? I marry Hannah and you die alone. We're never ever truly happy? We never get our happy ending? I never get to prove my love to you? I never get to have your children? I never get to grow old with you?"

"No. We don't. That's exactly what I wanted to protect you from."

"_What_? I don't need protection from you!"

"Yes, you do. My love? I doubt it. I doubt the strength of it. I don't know if it will last the night. I don't know."

"You're scared."

"Yes."

"Well if I can't have you… and if you love me… then I'll just have to die alone too."

"Don't waste your future, your dreams, possible family, for me."

"You _are _my family. My village. My world. You and Parker."

"As you are mine."


	5. Even The Last Words

"Oh, god." She shook in his arms, the world spinning around them.

"Bones, you have to fight." He told her, "You have to make it!" He frantically applied pressure to her wound, "Don't let go," He pleaded.

She coughed up blood, trying to speak, "No-th-ing t-to l-ive for, Boo"-

He cut her off, trying to stop, or at least slow down, the bleeding.

"Love. There's _always_ love." Booth promised, tears flowing down his cheeks just as swiftly as her blood down her chest. "And the truth, Bones. There's the truth. You have to fight!" He whimpered as she held back the screams of pain.

"No one." She whispered, almost clearly, just he just applied more pressure, and the pain caused her to gasp, and her eyes slipped closed.

"No! You can't go! Not like this! Bones! Bones!" His desperate cries weren't enough to lift her eye lids. It hurt too much. It was too late. They were too late. "Stay with me." His arms tightened around her. Their moments were going much too quickly. Neither could think. So much to say and so much to do, but their was no time.

Time.

Her heart was heavy, and she felt drained, of course, that was from the blood loss, wasn't it?

"You have _us_ to live for. You have a family. You can't bail on us now. We're a family! You're my _village_!"

Her last word was accusing, and her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, her eyes squinting open, "You?" She asked, before her spinning world went blank, black- almost as empty, cold, and dark as her heart. "You left," She told him with her last puff of air, as her opened wider, with their last chance.

Then it was over. The faint pulse was gone.

Neither said the words.

The simple, one syllable, words.

I love you.


	6. Let's just Try

She had been screaming at him, beating on him, for over a week now, and so when she showed up at his door, he only expected more abuse.

He looked through his peek hole, and his chest tightened to see who it was.

She was looking down, at her feet.

He hesitated before opening his door to her. He's never done that. Not once.

He watched, as she was about to turn away, to go back in the elevator.

He realized he couldn't let her leave, not without knowing why she'd come, so he opened his door, and grabbed her arm, swinging her toward his chest.

Suddenly they were in a tight embrace, his lips against her hair. She wasn't fighting, not even after three seconds.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into his neck, and then he felt as her tears fell, staining his shirt.

"It's okay. I understand. Everything is okay." He pulled her into his apartment, and she let go of him, just as he let go of her.

She stood looking at her shoes, for a good two minutes, before he couldn't take it anymore.

"Bones," He started, but then realized he didn't know what to say. There was always _something_ that needed to be said between them, ever more present since he gambled that night.

Something that Booth didn't want to deny anymore. Something that was not okay- was not fine.

But before he could open his mouth to save them from the silence, silence that was filled with uncertainty, and the hollow ghost of what was, of what could be, she stopped him.

"You don't deserve this, Booth. Not any of it." She told him, fiercely, willing him to get mad at her, to finally see who she really was, because he deserved that at least.

But honestly, who was she kidding? He had been disturbingly calm, willing to forget, and she was desperate. Something was better then nothing, with just silence as a barrier as they both fell into their own, separate black holes.

"What do you mean?" Booth asked, side tracked by the pain he heard dripping from each of her words.

"I mean that I shouldn't be here, that I don't deserve to be here." She looked at him, really looked, waiting for him to agree, and kick her out of his home. Out of what could have been their home. "But yet I am."

Then this hopeless falling, and flailing, would be okay- she would be allowed to feel this way.

She would only blame her self now, and she only ever would blame her self.

It was her conscious decision to reject him.

It was her fault that she couldn't love; her fault the Foster System couldn't save her.

Every reason why she was falling apart- it was her fault.

Sure, it was Booth who had decided to _gamble_, it was him who had fallen for her, and it was him who had made her fall for him- as she was now.

No ground, beneath her- or them.

Uncertainty.

Two strangers, who knew everything about the other, but were strangers nonetheless.

But it was _her_ fault they were falling.

"You have every right to be here. You are always welcome in my home." Booth told her, trying to take her hand in his, but she backed away, just before he could touch her.

"This isn't just _your_ home anymore, Booth." She reminded him, and the pain in her eyes was just as evident in her voice.

He stops as reality crashes back- it crashes into his chest. Painful retractions overwhelm him.

She realizes that she's hurt him, and out of habit she rushes to him, but this time he regretfully backs away.

"I understand." He promises. "I know what you're doing."

Brennan stops short; she's surprised. Afraid.

"And it's not going to work. I won't ever leave you. I won't ever let you go." He says, all the while backing away. "And I don't care how much you hate it- I'm here forever."

"Forever is an illusion. Lives end."

"Even when I die, inevitably, I'll still love you."

"But bones don't feel, corpses' hearts don't beat."

"But my heart belongs to you. We are connected."

"Forever isn't real. It's a fairy tale ending. Lies to children to hide the truth of the world."

"What's the truth, Bones?"

"That true love doesn't exist. It's a chain reaction of chemicals. That life isn't full of opportunities all the time- Sometimes there's only one choice."

"Anger is a chain reaction of chemicals. Are you saying anger doesn't exist?" Booth challenged.

"I'm saying that the love you speak of, that never ends, that it has yet to be proven right, or wrong, making it moot. Absolutely ludicrous. Eventually you get tired of the person who is supposedly 'the one'."

"Then I guess I'll just have to get tired of you, the natural, inevitable way, Bones."

"That's pointless, Booth! It will happen, and when it does, you'll wake up from your dream land. It will break you. You have to find someone you can be happy with. I won't make you happy. You need someone to be in the illusion of love with. I don't want to wake you up, Booth. I want you to last in forever for as long as you can, because if you can trick yourself, then it's perfect."

"You're the only one."

"But I won't be forever!"

"Are you tired of me? Do you want me gone? Is that what this is about? Setting me down easy?"

He stared into her blue eyes, and a tear fell down her cheek.

"Don't make me answer that." She whispered.

"Why, Bones? Why can't you tell me you don't want me? Why do you need an excuse?"

"Because I do."

"That is not a valid answer." He grimaced, she just told him that, in fact, she did not want him- not at all. "You haven't given me a reason, Bones!"

"No. I have to leave."

"Do you love me?" Booth asked, walking towards her, wanting her to tear all his hopes down, because then he would have clossure. He could accept his fate. He could eventually laugh at his foolishness.

She closed her eyes, "Stop, Booth. It won't change anything. No matter what I say, how I feel. It doesn't change the fact that I'll break you apart."

"You may break me, but it would be my own fault."

"That's why you, or I must leave. We can't be together."

"Why not?" He squinted at her.

"It's inevitable that love doesn't last the years, the hardships. Something will destroy us. Isn't better if I do it, before we... grow?"

"But you're contradicting your self, Bones. You're saying you can't love, because you're a scientist. You're saying that love can be defined by science. It just doesn't last. But you know that _life_ doesn't last either. So what's the problem? I'll die before this stops. In fact, deathwon't even end this. I feel it in my bones."

"How do you know?"

"I'm in love with you, Bones. It's just that- plain and simple. There is no other way for me to explain this to you. Love is real, and my love is real. And real, true, love doesn't ever just _stop_." He asked her a silent question by admitting that, and Brennan, still trying to protect him, lied.

"But I don't love you that way, Booth." She whispered, and he opened his eyes, and took her hand in his.

"I know, I know, Bones." He whispered, squeezing her hand.

Why didn't he get mad? Why was he always so patient? She didn't deserve him- not now- not before- not ever.

"I love you, Booth, but I can't promise you forever, not when I know..."

"I know, Bones." Booth pulled me closer to him.

He always knew.


	7. Going All In

How many times can he break till he shatters?

"You just… did it one too many."

"You're invisible."

"You were my armor, my reason, now your gone. It's over."

"Don't lose hope, you'll find the one."

"I already did."

"I'm not, I can't be. You'll find someone who makes you happy."

"You make me happy."

"It's a messed up sort of happiness. It's the kind that destroys, inevitably, it's because you love me too hard."

"It's endless. There is no point where we separate, Bones. We are one. You are the one that completes me."

"No. You are more then this, you have to believe in more then this."

"More then love? More then _fate_? More then God? What is there, Bones? I accept that you don't believe in yourself, in God, or in fate, and I respect that. But love? Don't you believe in love?"

"I believe in mutual interests, in complementing someone, in respecting someone- but the idea that love is everlasting- that's hard to believe."

"Then give me the chance to prove it to you."

Booth awoke from his dream in a cold sweat, when he rolled around, Hannah was lying next to him, her hand resting on his hip. He rolled back around to face his wall. This was the third dream this week. It was Thursday. How much longer could he pretend?

Pretend to not love her, anymore? He knew it was his fault- no hers- he didn't give her _fact_. He didn't even try, not really. He liked to believe he went all in, but he didn't.

She did, though. That night in the car.

And he turned her down.

All of her.


	8. To Be With You

I wondered out there, and stepped in front of that car, _on purpose_.

The pain won't go away, and being the suborn and independent woman I am, I won't allow my self to be destroyed. I don't want him to see how much it hurts, how much I _need_ him. So, I will be preserved this way- perfectly almost shattered, but not quite.

Just like Lauren- except on my very own terms, not a murderous person's.

The truth is overrated- love is overrated.

I sit on the street unmoving. The driver is drunk, I can tell because he's swerving, but he's underage, and won't go to jail.

So I crouch down. Waiting for it to be over. Waiting for this torture to end.

At the last moment when it's _finally_ about to be over, I hear the car honk and I hear the wheels shift. But it's too late.

Perhaps it is humorous, because it is fitting. It is too late, though. Just like it is for us.

I smile, seeing the car lights. "Goodbye," I whisper to no one in particular, perhaps my self.

Suddenly there are strong arms pulling me out of the way, dragging me away, just in time.

Time.

Funny how there's too much and too little of it at the same time.

"Bones." His voice is firm, "What are you doing?"

I lie, because honesty is overrated. The truth hurts, and I can't take _hurt_ anymore.

I don't want to find it out, anymore. I just want this to be over.

I shrug in his arms, barely able to look at him, "I didn't see the car, Booth. I'm fine. Just take me home."

He aids me to his SUV, and half of the ride is silent. He's _speeding_.

Wow, I must smell really bad, or maybe he has a date.

I sniff my hair, "I can walk. You have a date."

He slows slightly, "I'm driving you home." He is determined to get me home. I don't want to go home.

"I'm capable of walking home, Booth." I growl.

"No, Bones, you obviously are not capable."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you didn't see that car coming! You were just _sitting_ in the middle of the street.

I didn't have the strength, the decency to lie, because his voice was shaky, and the car sped up again, and faster then before.

Lying for another's sake, that's overrated- what about the person that has to compromise their beliefs, for another? Does anyone care about them?

"No, Booth, I saw the car."

My words cause his shoulders to tense, and he accidently runs the red light, "_What_?" He sounds disturbed, "Bones, why"-

I cut him off, "I don't want to have any regrets, I made a mistake, and I- I missed my chance."

"So you decide to jump in front of a car?"

"Correct."

"There are better ways of… I got through this."

"She didn't give him a chance, and she died alone."

"I'm sorry, but I love Hannah."

"Yes, you do."

"Is there someone you want to call? To be with you?"

"No. I'm fine. Alone. Thanks."


End file.
